This post has been migrated from our original Medium page and was first published on 18/09/19.

Welcome back! Having started this as a weekday, semi-comical, digest a few months ago, it rapidly became apparent how unsustainable that would be within my myriad commitments. So say hello to the all-new weekly What Just Happened?!, a semi-comical weekly digest of the most important news from the UK, US and the World from myself, Will Marshall, and Alistair Simmonds-Yoo. Look out for us every Wednesday, and follow us on Facebook and Twitter.

The UK:

Hulk smash constitutionWhy bother writing this when it will be out of date in a few hours? Well after Boris Johnson’s cringe-worthy self comparisons to the bright-green superhero were utterly derided by the European Union, even the actor Mark Ruffalo weighed in: “Mad and strong can also be dense and destructive…”, I wonder if he knows how well he’s hit the nail on the head? He followed this up on Monday by failing to go to the planned joint press conference with the Prime Minister of Luxembourg because “it would be too noisy”. Boris remains determined to reject any offer of an extension from the EU, and continues to claim that he will force the country to leave on the 31st October with or without a deal (which would of course be illegal) but that he won’t break any laws. He’s yet to explain his Schrodinger’s constitution.

In an extract from his new book David Cameron claims Boris Johnson only supported Leave “because it would help his political career”. The response has widely been “D’uh”.

The RNLI has been helping fund anti-drowning projects around the world, and people are f*cking livid. The Times led this story with the nakedly xenophobic headline: “RNLI funding burkinis for Africans while cutting jobs”, including outraged quotes from two Tory MPs. The charity has hit back, stating that the 2% of it’s funding that goes to international work is clearly identified in it’s annual reports and on its website. In a refreshing twist, the RNLI’s website crashed under the unprecedented load of donations.

The US:

If a company loses $1.6 billion, in the forest or not, over the course of a year, does it make an IPO? WeWork appear to be delaying their IPO date since they can’t decide whether (or more accurately: they can’t persuade enough saps (investors) that) the company should be valued at $10 or $12 billion… this should be an easy decision given how swiftly 80% of the companies ‘value’ has been abandoned since January; a time when the money-losing company was blagging the world that they deserve a market cap of $47 billion [I just choked on my veggie-burger in my crypto-anarchist coworking space… yes it’s a bike shed].

Houthi rebels take credit for setting the world’s largest oil processing plant ablaze. The Saudi’s have drawn some criticism for failing to protect their most crucial infrastructure from such attacks — especially despite some $67.6 billion spent on arms in 2018 by the kingdom… almost as though the global arms trade isn’t helping us keep the peace, who’d have thunk it.

The World:

A copy-writer in New Zealand had a refreshing take this week on redundancy, as he hired a clown named Joe to bring as his emotional support whilst he was let go. The clown, ‘Joe’, sat in on his meeting making balloon animals, “Boy, oh, boy, are they noisy…” and miming crying. The unlucky employee, Josh Thompson, said he’d “definitely recommend it”.

Nothing quite says ‘No Risk’ like a fire at a Siberian Cold-War era bio-weaponry facility. You heard me, everything is fine, sleep well — do not think about the viruses suspended in the perma-frost… waiting.


Thanks for reading! We’ll be back next week, get in touch with the authors Will Marshall and Alistair Simmonds on Twitter and let us know what you did and didn’t like.